hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
