I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
