youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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