I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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