let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
