you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We had sex on a dog bed..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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