Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
