You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
