Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
