I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
