you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
There r osticjed everywhere
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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