Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm just crazy horny about you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
