no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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