Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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