By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
