make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
