I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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