Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize