Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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