I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
