garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
