i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
