Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
