I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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