I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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