the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
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I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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