How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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