He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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