oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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