you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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