There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
