allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
