I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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