Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Operation Purity has been aborted
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
