Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
