I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
