ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
