id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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