The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
