You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
