Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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