there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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