this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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