I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Michael Bay diarrhea
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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