I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
