I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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