Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
