my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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