i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
