i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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