Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
