I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
