I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
PANTIES FOUND
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