I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
