bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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