Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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