I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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