nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
