i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
