Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
