So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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