I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
