I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
