Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
