I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
