apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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