So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
