found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
