I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
