Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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