Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
