you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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