Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
