My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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