i jhust puked up my retainher.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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