Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
