Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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