just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
