every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
