My hand turned me down
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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