Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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