i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
