Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
