so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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