Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
