i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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