Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
