I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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